If a picture is worth a thousand words, I shudder to think what kinds of words my pictures tell.
I am notoriously unphotogenic. I had to throw away some of my wedding pictures because I looked so awful.
Although, the best picture ever taken of me was the one as I came into the church… It had my wedding veil over my face, so I guess that’s why.
I had to take a photo of myself recently. The lady who published my book asked me for a decent photo, and I knew that nothing I already had would fit that description.
Several people suggested that I have a professional set taken, but I don’t want to spend money on something that I’m pretty sure will be a failure. Every year, I have a professional picture done for work, and they are truly hideous.
The one on my library card looks like a frog decided to try on some clothes. The picture was also stretched strangely when it was made smaller, and now my face looks longer than it should be.
But that is just the story of my life when it comes to photos.
It’s not just my crazy hair, because that can be straightened. It’s my whole face, which seems to get larger and more square when captured on film. I have two camera faces… Shark (excess of white teeth) and drug addict (half asleep).
So I planned a week of picture taking, to hopefully come up with something better than I had already.
Every morning, just before I left for work, I got my daughter to take a photo of me. The reason being that I had just straightened my hair, and sprayed it liberally with hairspray, and would look more-or-less human.
The only problem is that it’s winter, and most of the pictures were rather dark, having been taken before 7am.
I took a few assorted ones of myself, most of which I had to instantly delete in horror.
The next weekend, my friends and I got together for a braai and outdoor movie session, and to have the dreaded photo shoot for my perfect picture.
I dressed in red, which is generally my best colour, and a friend took several pictures with his mom’s awesome super duper camera.
I compressed all the pictures and saved them onto a Microsoft document page, and sent them to the publisher for her to make her choice.
And after all the effort to have a photo shoot and do my hair, the two she chose were the ones I snapped of myself in the garden. I suppose I was more relaxed, and didn’t expect much from them.
So if a picture says a thousand words, some of mine would be …