When I grow up …

When I grow up I want to be Fiona. No, no, not the green Shrek monster but rather the petite bomb maker in Burn Notice.

Burn Notice

Burn Notice’s Fiona

Now Fee, you must understand, is my complete opposite. The first example of this is that while I always have a notebook and a pen in my handbag Fee has a stash of C4 in hers. Yes she is ready at any given moment to blow up a car, a building or a bad guy. She’s the woman you want around in an emergency. Although I’m more handy when you want to make a shopping list.

Fee handles guns beautifully, like an extension of her arm she loads, aims and fires dead on target, she also does all this while wearing killer heels. I’ve aimed at a few tin cans in my time but never in heels.

If ever Fee is separated from her handbag she can make a fantastic bomb out of a few ingredients lying around the kitchen or bathroom whereas I was never that good at science, although I can whip up a lovely loaf of bread using only 7 ingredients.

I rely on Fee for my adrenaline shot each week, while I recline on the couch. I rely on her to be the brave, daring, wild, adventurous woman that I am not.

But, this week the joke is on me because I have a job working in the ER department of a hospital. I’m on the night shift. The thought of the antiseptic hospital smell, darkness and blood is already making my stomach churn.

Perhaps I will no longer need Fee, perhaps I will quit or, perhaps I will turn into Stephen King … I’ll keep you posted.


13 thoughts on “When I grow up …

  1. Susan says:

    Oh Sue – you make me laugh. I think we all have a little bit of Fee envy in us; that secret soul that wishes we were McGyver or part of the A-Team, or (in my case) Indiana Jones. Given the subject matter of a previous blog of yours, I can’t help wondering what were the inane questions on the interview sheet that got a person like you matched to a job in the ER of a hospital! Marvelous place for a writer to soak up atmosphere though. I look forward to reading what comes out of that…

    • jacky says:

      So do I – the mind is beginning to boggle! good luck with the ER nightshift Sue; if in doubt, you can always refer to the endless ER reality (?) programmes on TV –

      • Sue says:

        Thanks Jacky, I started with ‘Scrubs’ … I’ll get back to you on my progress.

  2. Trish says:

    You in an ER Soozi, this I have to see!! Maybe there will be a great kitchen you can go an hide in when things get to scary in the ER LOL! Well I’m relieved that you will have a job my friend. That’s so cool. May you Fee-ness come out – although please don’t take any weapons into the ER! We don’t want to come and bail you out of jail!

    • jacky says:

      We won’t be able to bail her out Trish, but may be allowed to take in vast quantities of ice cream, coffee and buns!

    • Sue says:

      That’s very funny because I sit right next to the kitchen and a supply closet so I could run and hide at a moment’s notice. Will keep you posted!

  3. Penny M says:

    I’m worried that hysteria is close, my friend. What on earth are you doing there? Is there a comedy or a horror lurking in the bed pans? Can’t wait to read this one.

    • jacky says:

      Oh that’s very funny Penny – I thought the bedpans came after admission, but perhaps not; they’re cardboard now so there’s probably a good supply of barfbags, bedpans and similar equipment for the admissions clerk to hurl at anyone looking suspiciously like adorning the pristine floor tiles!

    • Sue says:

      I’m doing my best to make it comical Penn, because frankly I’m not to sure of the ending.

  4. Susan says:

    See-through barfbags? Whose sick idea was that?

    • jacky says:

      It’s to keep you occupied on a long flight when you’re bored with the movie; you start playing the guessing game – what’s in the bag!!!! oops, sorry.

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