By Sue Trollip
I’m looking for a job. It’s tedious and soul destroying in a place where I have no reference points and no one knows that I exist.
There are the chancers like the company wanting a payroll clerk with a bachelor’s degree to do the company bookkeeping and offering just above minimum wage.
And the adverts that say you must be able to deal with unhappy customers. (Who wants to deal with unhappy customers? Shouldn’t they rather say looking for employees who will generate happy customers?)
What about the warehousing company looking for a bookkeeper/administrator who must like mountain biking. (Have they attached Quickbooks to the bicycle handlebars so I can work and ride at the same time?)
It makes no sense and it scares me somewhat.
I got confused when I saw an advert for a gift shop assistant; these were the questions to be answered when you sent in your resume.
1. Coffee or tea?
2. Book on your nightstand?
3. Favourite meal of the day?
4. Anyone living or dead you would want to have coffee with?
5. What’s the last thing you made?
6. Title of your memoir?
7. Top 3 ingredients you cook with?
8. Your favourite artist?
Can anyone help me with the answers? What does it say about me whether I like tea or coffee and bear in mind that tea here is berry tea, it’s seldom tea as I know it?
Question 2 is understandable, you want to know where my interests lie.
And while my favourite meal of the day may be breakfast, if I had big dinner, or am running late, it’s probably going to be lunch, or if I’m going out for dinner, I have a feeling it will be dinner. Then again when Mom is baking it’s definitely tea time. (Do you think they want one word answers?)
I never know what to say for the meet anyone living or dead I feel like there’s a correct answer and I am sure I don’t have it. Do they want to know who my heroes are, in which case how am I supposed to pick one? Memoir I can do that, are you happy or unhappy with your life so far … question 7 are you a baker, a cook or an open a box add 2 ingredients and there’s your meal kind of person. Okay, but is that going to affect your work performance?
Does no one trust their own judgment anymore? Is there no more good old-fashioned handshake and a bit of basic chemistry. By all means check my credentials, but then use a bit of gut instinct people!
I think my biggest worry is, what if I am the exception to all these psychological rules? Will I remain unemployed forever?
I am not static. I like lists, ask me my top five, not for my favourite, those fluctuate. Perhaps it has something to do with my coffee addiction … I like to think it makes me more interesting.