Life Lessons

By Michelle Dennison (awa Julianne Alcott)

I have learned several things throughout my life. I was thinking of them the other day, and thought I would share them …

* If your car / electric appliance is making a strange noise, tape it with your cell phone’s voice recorder. It will probably not make the noise when you take it to get repaired, and the shop person will think you are hallucinating. If you can play it for them, you have proof. I have done that with my car brakes.

“No ma’am. New brakes always make a noise when they are wearing in.”

He stopped saying that when I played him the recording!

* Know exactly where your candles, torch and matches are, so if there is a sudden power failure, you can find them in the dark. If you have never smoked, you may need to have cigarette lighter lighting lessons. I did …

* Always greet security guards at shop entrances. That way, when you discover that the chocolate you bought yesterday is still in your handbag (without the cash slip) and you are walking around the shop with it, you can take it to the security guard and explain. If he has already established you as a harmless friendly person, he may not suspect you of being a shoplifter.

* No matter how I try and convince myself that cocoa pods come from a tree, so chocolate must be a fruit, it isn’t true.

* Shoes that hurt in the shop will probably hurt for several months once you take them home. By the time they have had a chance to stretch, they will probably have fallen apart. If they aren’t comfortable in the shop… don’t buy them!

* If you are going to drop an item of laundry in a public place, it will probably be underwear. Keep it contained by stuffing it into a T-shirt and rolling the T-shirt up. Don’t drop the T-shirt.

* Don’t wait until morning before work to put petrol in your car. That is bound to be the morning when you oversleep / lose you car keys / drop your coffee all over your shirt.

* If you grill food often enough, you actually won’t be able to eat the oily fried version anymore.

* Most food tastes better with grilled cheese on top.

* Exercise is more fun when it is dancing.

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